We have the ability to live in peace
What Would Make Humans Happy?
What is it that makes humans ultimately happy? The first answer that many people would say is money, a good job or nice house, maybe even going to college or acquiring more knowledge. Is that what being happy is? WRONG! What really makes an individual happy is wives, husbands, children, siblings, friends—close relationships with people. Having close relationships is very important to humans, and so is the bonding and understanding that one may have with another. Happiness cannot be made with materialistic things, but can be made by having close relationships with people, bonding with one another, family, being in love, or religion. Human interaction and pleasant encounters with one another give one the feeling of being happy, which is what, deep-down, people really want.
The most important way to achieve happiness is through bonding with other people. There is an underlying message within the holidays. All of the holidays bring people together and celebrate an event that everyone can relate to. Christmas always means coming home to the family and getting together for—yes, the religious part—but also to reconnect with family. Many events are made to create bonding with families to have a better understanding of each other, like father-son events, mother-daughter events, or sibling events that bring unity among families. The idea of a family is to be loving and supportive of each other. In an interview with Psychologist, John J. Macionis, from the University of Pennsylvania, stated that “…without human social experience, personality does not develop. ‘Self’ is not biological, in other words, it is a social creation” (Macionis). In the blog “The True Meaning of the Holiday Season” by Greta Christina, she expresses her feelings and thoughts about what the holidays mean, “It’s cold. It’s dark…So let’s celebrate…Let’s spend time together that’s specifically devoted to enjoying other’s company, and take part in activities…that strengthen social bonds. Let's remind ourselves that life is worth living, and that the cold and dark won't be here forever… [and] we care about each other, and remind ourselves of why ("The True Meaning of the Holiday Season | | AlterNet."). Christmas—and well, any holiday—should be spending time with family and strengthening social bonds. Humans can’t live alone and be happy. Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia, Jonathan Haidt, said, “We are incomplete creatures. We cannot live alone; we cannot find our own meaning alone. We realize our potential, we become alive, only when we find the 'between’” (“What Really Makes People Happy” 3). Humans naturally cannot be alone. Genie, a Californian girl, who was a neglected child from the time she was two, was tied to a potty chair in a dark garage with no one to talk to—no one could talk to her. Until 1970, when she was found, she was age thirteen and had the speech and mental capability of a two year old. Macionis said that “All evidence points to the crucial role of social experience in forming personality. Human beings can sometimes recover from abuse and isolation. Although it is unclear exactly when, there is a point at which isolation in infancy causes permanent developmental damage." (Society: The Basics 4). People also come together by having deep feelings for each other that make humans happy—love.
Amor. Liefhebben. Rakastaa. Aimer. These are all ways to say love in different languages. People know they can be happiest when they are in love; there are always songs, poems, and books that talk about being in love. It is what every person wants to feel, to experience, to do. Love is universal. A Pop/ Hip Pop singer, Rihanna (Fentey) wrote a song called “Umbrella” that talks about love and how “…in the dark/ You can't see shiny cars/ And that's when you need me there” (lines 18-20). She explains that she can be happy because the love she wants can never be materialistic, and not just for the “shiny cars”, but to have true love. People want love because it is the strongest type of human bond there is. Humans yearn to love and be loved. The article, “The Happiness Effect” by Alice Park says that “[the] happiness dividend is more powerful if two people not only know each other but also are equally fond of each other. Happiness is more infectious in mutual relationships… than unreciprocated ones…” (“The Happiness Effect” 2) meaning that people feel happier when people know they like each other. However, having a loving relationship does not always have to be with a human; there is also love through religion.
Many people look up to a greater power for guidance, protection, love, and happiness. All gods, in some form or another, are portrayed as saviors to humankind. Gary Delashmutt, a pastor at Xenos Church, did a bible teaching of “The ‘Backward’ Wisdom of God: True Happiness” and said, “Jesus called the disciples to love one another ‘as I have loved you” (13:34). He meant that God sets an example, and people can depend on His love for them. Delashmutt later says, “That God’s sovereign and loving hand is on all of our circumstances (Rom. 8:28), and that nothing can separate us from his love” (Rom. 8:37-39). Knowing that someone will love you forever, have someone to depend on, forever no matter what, sounds very encouraging, and would make people happy and believe in a higher power to protect humans. Children and teenagers also, look up to adults for religious and spiritual guidance and advice. Adults help steer children in the “right” direction and hopefully help the child become more successful in life—just like God. In the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom, the main character, Eddie, looks up to his captain leader in the Vietnam War, thinking that he will not die in the war, “But then the war started and the new men flooded in—young men, like you—and they were all saluting me, wanting me to tell them what to do… They thought I could keep them alive” (86). When people look up to people in a “higher” ranking or power, they have this relationship of trust and love. Although, it is not always the case that humans look up to, and love, those who are in a “higher” ranking.
Friends and families, love, trust, and bonding are the ingredients to having ultimate happiness, and are necessities for all humans. Humans want to be loved and love back; they want to have friends and be a friend back; they want to trust and trust back. Humans are “incomplete creatures” (Haidt) and in order to be happy, one must find the other half that makes them whole. Social interaction with other humans is an extremely important experience that humans must have because humans can not function with out each other.
The most important way to achieve happiness is through bonding with other people. There is an underlying message within the holidays. All of the holidays bring people together and celebrate an event that everyone can relate to. Christmas always means coming home to the family and getting together for—yes, the religious part—but also to reconnect with family. Many events are made to create bonding with families to have a better understanding of each other, like father-son events, mother-daughter events, or sibling events that bring unity among families. The idea of a family is to be loving and supportive of each other. In an interview with Psychologist, John J. Macionis, from the University of Pennsylvania, stated that “…without human social experience, personality does not develop. ‘Self’ is not biological, in other words, it is a social creation” (Macionis). In the blog “The True Meaning of the Holiday Season” by Greta Christina, she expresses her feelings and thoughts about what the holidays mean, “It’s cold. It’s dark…So let’s celebrate…Let’s spend time together that’s specifically devoted to enjoying other’s company, and take part in activities…that strengthen social bonds. Let's remind ourselves that life is worth living, and that the cold and dark won't be here forever… [and] we care about each other, and remind ourselves of why ("The True Meaning of the Holiday Season | | AlterNet."). Christmas—and well, any holiday—should be spending time with family and strengthening social bonds. Humans can’t live alone and be happy. Associate Professor of Psychology at the University of Virginia, Jonathan Haidt, said, “We are incomplete creatures. We cannot live alone; we cannot find our own meaning alone. We realize our potential, we become alive, only when we find the 'between’” (“What Really Makes People Happy” 3). Humans naturally cannot be alone. Genie, a Californian girl, who was a neglected child from the time she was two, was tied to a potty chair in a dark garage with no one to talk to—no one could talk to her. Until 1970, when she was found, she was age thirteen and had the speech and mental capability of a two year old. Macionis said that “All evidence points to the crucial role of social experience in forming personality. Human beings can sometimes recover from abuse and isolation. Although it is unclear exactly when, there is a point at which isolation in infancy causes permanent developmental damage." (Society: The Basics 4). People also come together by having deep feelings for each other that make humans happy—love.
Amor. Liefhebben. Rakastaa. Aimer. These are all ways to say love in different languages. People know they can be happiest when they are in love; there are always songs, poems, and books that talk about being in love. It is what every person wants to feel, to experience, to do. Love is universal. A Pop/ Hip Pop singer, Rihanna (Fentey) wrote a song called “Umbrella” that talks about love and how “…in the dark/ You can't see shiny cars/ And that's when you need me there” (lines 18-20). She explains that she can be happy because the love she wants can never be materialistic, and not just for the “shiny cars”, but to have true love. People want love because it is the strongest type of human bond there is. Humans yearn to love and be loved. The article, “The Happiness Effect” by Alice Park says that “[the] happiness dividend is more powerful if two people not only know each other but also are equally fond of each other. Happiness is more infectious in mutual relationships… than unreciprocated ones…” (“The Happiness Effect” 2) meaning that people feel happier when people know they like each other. However, having a loving relationship does not always have to be with a human; there is also love through religion.
Many people look up to a greater power for guidance, protection, love, and happiness. All gods, in some form or another, are portrayed as saviors to humankind. Gary Delashmutt, a pastor at Xenos Church, did a bible teaching of “The ‘Backward’ Wisdom of God: True Happiness” and said, “Jesus called the disciples to love one another ‘as I have loved you” (13:34). He meant that God sets an example, and people can depend on His love for them. Delashmutt later says, “That God’s sovereign and loving hand is on all of our circumstances (Rom. 8:28), and that nothing can separate us from his love” (Rom. 8:37-39). Knowing that someone will love you forever, have someone to depend on, forever no matter what, sounds very encouraging, and would make people happy and believe in a higher power to protect humans. Children and teenagers also, look up to adults for religious and spiritual guidance and advice. Adults help steer children in the “right” direction and hopefully help the child become more successful in life—just like God. In the book The Five People You Meet in Heaven by Mitch Albom, the main character, Eddie, looks up to his captain leader in the Vietnam War, thinking that he will not die in the war, “But then the war started and the new men flooded in—young men, like you—and they were all saluting me, wanting me to tell them what to do… They thought I could keep them alive” (86). When people look up to people in a “higher” ranking or power, they have this relationship of trust and love. Although, it is not always the case that humans look up to, and love, those who are in a “higher” ranking.
Friends and families, love, trust, and bonding are the ingredients to having ultimate happiness, and are necessities for all humans. Humans want to be loved and love back; they want to have friends and be a friend back; they want to trust and trust back. Humans are “incomplete creatures” (Haidt) and in order to be happy, one must find the other half that makes them whole. Social interaction with other humans is an extremely important experience that humans must have because humans can not function with out each other.
Replies to This Discussion
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Permalink Reply by James Scott on -
I agree that we all need social interaction and human bonding in our lives.
Love/Belonging is a crucial part of Maslow's hierarchy of needs:
Basically, Maslow says humans need food and water, then a sense of security/safety, then human belonging and love followed by self-esteem and self actualization.
These must come in order so Maslow puts love and belonging as the basis for happiness once our basic needs for food and safety are achieved.
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Permalink Reply by Nathan Andover on -
I completely agree. I also think that we need to love and feel a sense of belonging with more people around the world. New technology is allowing this to happen as I have many friends from all over the place.
When people didn't know much about people in Iran, the Bush warmongering might have worked. Now that we have seen the Iranian people in the streets and in interviews, we might not be so gung ho about starting a war with their country. Too many innocent people die in war.
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Permalink Reply by McSorley on -
Very well said Jessica, and to think it has taken me a while to find my friends here on this site. Let's just say I was drawn by a longing for friendship and love. Now if I might add my two cents.
In thinking of that one question that burns in the soul, 'why am i here?' - we are speaking of 'what is the nature of being?' We can find lots of help from ethics, philosophy, and wise thinkers who have taken the time (sometimes lifetimes as for Kant and DeCartes) to ponder this fine question. So I offer these perspectives:
When we are born, we have no sense of ourselves as 'other' from our caregivers. When we develop an individual mental representation of ourselves (think about when the little ones in your lives start to say 'NO!') we are separated from that initial union - 'we as one'. Perhaps that is why, as you have elegantly outlined, to get that feeling backthat we pursue love, friendship, and social connection.
The biology behind our developing has offered some interesting ideas of late, such as the connection between social contact and gene activation. It appears that social contact can act as an actor who switches on or off a light switch (gene), thus assisting us to achieve our 'Self'. I have quoted 'Self' as to indicate it as a term used by Carl Jung in describing the entirety of one's being - psyche and body - that manifests through individuation (becoming the sum of all of one's potentialities). This definition gives a wholly different meaning to the one Macionis is describing - the 'Self' in Jung's terms is biological, sociological, and historical.
Which brings me to the coup de gras, how does all this make us happy? If we presume (and we have our lifetime thinkers to thank for being presumptuous here) that we are seeking to again have that union - 'we as one' - then our solution for social connection through emotional attachment fits nicely. But what if love only gives us an approximation of feeling 'as one', does it then just act as a defense against the pain of being torn from the initial union we began with, and if so, how do we truly get to it again? Some have posited that all in life is denial of death (read 'denial of death' by Ernest Becker - it is well done), and again the argument sounds like a defense against some disruptive, dystonic(when you think 'that isn't me'), or dysphoric feeling. So where to go from here, let's use Maslow (thanks James).
Maslow is setting the foundation that basic needs be met before reaching the highest stage of self-actualization, which is another term for individuation. As an aside, an argument could be made of what one's basic needs truly are if one is to attain self-actualization (yes food is essential to biological survival - but try arguing that to a meth addict). So here we have two giants shoulders to stand on, both observing that this is the process by which it is our nature to do. Why would we work to achieve self-actualization (or individuation) if love/belonging is all that we want in life? Ah the wrinkle, and perhaps a leap, but let's let the thinkers help us with this one, by bringing together them all, and adding one more, Plato.
Jung's concept of individuation is to have all of one's potentialities emerge. This is done by tapping into the knowledge one has and knows she has (conscious) as well as the knowledge she has about her own life but doesn't know she has (personal unconscious), and the knowledge she has about life in its history that she doesn't know she has (collective unconscious). When one has tapped into all of these knowledges, one has as Maslow puts it 'self-actualized'. Okay, back to why this could be the route to 'we as one'. The collective unconscious is the historical, cultural information that is part of us all which we add to as we go as humanity. It's there, as Plato put it 'written in our souls', and we see the forms as reality which are but shadows on the cave wall. Think about what makes a crawling baby stop, hesitate or retreat from a false drop (flat surface that is opaque at first, but then is transparent with a large drop below), or what makes baby chicks dash at the shadow of a hawk passed overhead, but not that of goose when they have never encountered either. So if we take it as 'written', humanity is in all of us, you might make your own leap of faith here to make your case, but let's bring in Kant to bear on it. For Kant (whose ethic is the underpinnings for most of our law) it is a matter of defining objective and subjective. Think what they mean typically, and then reverse them. Kant's view is that the objective is one's own perspective, and everything else is subjective. This is because for Kant one can't know anything else's essence or 'being in-itself' (to borrow Heidegger's term) - I don't know what it is to be a tree, that rock, a butterfly, or another human being. As for the human being, that is what we are figuring out, how to be 'we as one', connected in union again with others. Individuation provides for us path to connect to everyone else in the collective unconscious - to be aware of our unity with everyone (the benevolent and malevolent alike) - and in one sense to then know other humans for the 'being in-itself' that they are, they are us. If I know myself, then I know others.
One last thought, in consciousness (which is all we know) we are motivated for love and connection as you have described Jessica. Is it acceptable then to think of love as 'the good' in ethics as it is the binding emotion that helps me to find myself in others so that in the many I find my love for me that unites us?
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Permalink Reply by kimber on -
Great post, Jessica - very thoughtful, and thought-provoking... and McSorley - I really like your (obviously educated!) response and especially your concluding thought. I believe that love is the basis of all that is good. Without it, the world would be a much different place. And with it, we can change the world for the better (and change, and change, and change) until all is as it should be: peaceful.
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Permalink Reply by G Alexander McDonell on -
I would say beauty. Beauty and harmonious things make people happy - whether it is harmonious relationships with people or beautiful art, or the transcendent beauty of a true spiritual experience.
But the same things can also create unhappiness if they are disharmonious or ugly.
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